When Basil & Spice asked me to become one of its contributors, I immediately accepted. I was thinking about writing my first column on fitness or nutrition until I remembered that Basil & Spice asked me to contribute to their site because I wrote a book, A Family’s Heartbreak: A Parent’s Introduction to Parental Alienation. Parental alienation is an important issue -- even if you haven’t heard of it.

March 10, 2010



Don't beat yourself up if you haven’t heard of parental alienation. A few years ago I gave a presentation to mental health professionals at their annual meeting. I started my talk with a simple question, "How many of you have heard of parental alienation?" I built my entire presentation on the assumption that the professionals in the room had heard of alienation and I could skip the basics.

Here's a presentation tip for you -- don't assume 45 professionals have heard of your topic unless you enjoy making up a new presentation in front of the 42 who never heard of it while boring the three that had.

I never heard of parental alienation either; until I was struggling to understand how I went from Adored Dad to Despised Dad in the blink of an eye. That's one reason why I wrote A Family’s Heartbreak: A Parent’s Introduction to Parental Alienation. My post post-divorce dream of co-parenting my children bore little resemblance to a post-divorce reality consumed with trying to maintain my previously loving, normal relationship with my 11-year old son.

The premise of parental alienation is simple. One parent damages, and sometimes destroys, a child's previously normal, healthy, loving relationship with the child's other parent. In a severe case the alienating parent and child work together to successfully eliminate the previously loved Mom or Dad from the child's life.

If you're like the mental health professionals who attended my presentation you're probably thinking, "Oh, I've seen that before. I just didn't know there was a name for it."  

Some professionals and parents have heard of parental alienation, they just don't believe it exists. They use terms like "junk science" to describe parental alienation. Other individuals debate whether parental alienation is a "syndrome" and should have its own diagnostic classification in the mental health profession's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. Some people believe one parent is more likely to alienate a child than the other parent. Still other people want to incorporate parental alienation into larger shared parenting, domestic violence and family court reform initiatives. If you know the pain and heartbreak of being rejected by the child you love you don't care about any of these issues. You just want someone to explain what's happening and help you restore your relationship with your child.

In the weeks and months ahead we'll use this column to separate parental alienation fact from fiction. We'll also explain why one parent would alienate a child from the child's other parent, and what you can do if you are on the receiving end of the alienating behavior. Finally, we'll answer your questions. One of the toughest aspects of parental alienation is feeling like you are alone with no place to turn. That’s not the case.

Mike Jeffries is the author of A Family's Heartbreak: A Parent's Introduction to Parental Alienation. Formerly a journalist and currently a corporate communication professional, Jeffries articles on parental alienation, divorce, parenting and advocacy have appeared in Counseling Today, Woman’s Magazine, The Richmond County Bar Association Journal, Children’s Voice Magazine, CRC Children, and at Womansdivorce.com and Dadsdivorce.com.  He has also discussed parental alienation on radio programs in the United States, Canada, Australia and the United Kingdom; and on CNN, at ChildrenToday.com and in Best Life Magazine.  The A Family's Heartbreak: A Parent’s Introduction to Parental Alienation website is located at www.afamilysheartbreak.com. Jeffries and A Family's Heartbreak: A Parent's Introduction to Parental Alienation can also be found on Facebook.

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