A group of Gisborne fathers is determined to stop family violence.

The ideas and work of Tairawhiti Men Against Violence - formed in the aftermath of domestic violence incidents in 2006 - are in demand, with communities all over the country looking to follow suit.

Domestic violence and deaths plagued communities, with many men unable to get help without feeling threatened, group founding member Tim Marshall said.

The 2010 Family Violence Death Report highlighted the depth of the problem - 12 men, 16 children and 13 women so badly abused by their own family members that they died.

Tairawhiti Men Against Violence was shaking attitudes in a blokes to blokes way, Mr Marshall said.

From throwing pigs on a spit in the community, to taking strangers and their families fishing, the voluntary group of men had challenged its community to take ownership of family violence.

It was the murder of a co-worker that forced Mr Marshall to act.

"Some friends and I got to talking and said, 'where are the men's voices, it's about time us men started fronting up about the issue'."

The group has helped develop a Gisborne safe house for men affected by domestic violence.

The house, which opened at Christmas, is one of the first men's refuges, providing time out for men who either commit domestic abuse or have been abused by their partners.

A one-stop men's centre, which will offer counselling, health checks and a literacy programme, is due to open shortly.

The group has also developed a "blokes' tool box" - a pocket-sized information card with contact numbers and advice for men struggling to maintain control in stressful situations.

Rotorua help agencies have adopted the toolbox concept for their community, and Tairawhiti Men Against Violence has been asked to speak nationally at family violence and suicide prevention conferences to help other communities develop similar programmes.

Another volunteer, Ora Te Hau, said it was his struggle through depression that made him want to help.

"I isolated myself. The spiral downwards affected my relationship.

"I'm on the recovery road now and to be able to be involved with a group of like-minded guys trying to get safe and supportive environments for blokes struggling is making a difference."

Group members were in Masterton last week as guest speakers at a two-day men-only health conference that tackled the issue of high suicide rates among men.

http://www.stuff.co.nz/dominion-post/national/3497800/Self-help-for-mens-abuse-in-demand





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