Published in The Sun-Herald, 9/9/2007

It's a scary thought that two out of three marriages end in death. It's almost enough to make you apply for a divorce, so you can be in the remaining third. But lets start from the assumption that being in a long term relationship with another person is A Good Thing. It's probably good for the happiness of the individual, and it's certainly good for the continuation of society. So most of what you're about to read will be comforting news.

Australians are divorcing less than they were six years ago (rate down from 2.9 per 1,000 people in 2001 to 2.5 per 1,000 people last year), according to a report released last week by the Bureau of Statistics. When divorces do occur, the marriage has usually lasted longer than it did two decades ago (median duration of marriage up from 10.1 years in 1988 to 12.5 years in 2006). And the proportion of divorces where children under 18 are involved has dropped from 59.7 per cent in 1986 to 50.1 per cent in 2006.

It seems that women are more likely to be unhappy in marriage than men -- 40 per cent of divorces are sought by the wife, while 29.5 per cent are sought by the husband. But the proportion of divorces sought jointly by both parties has risen from 7.4 per cent in 1986 to 30.3 per cent in 2006. So it's increasingly the case that couples can agree on one thing, at least.

Now we enter the danger zone. One in three marriages still end in divorce and you'll want to know your personal odds. The couple most likely to get divorced this year has been married just over 12 years. The man is aged between 40 and 44, the woman between 35 and 39. Both were born in Australia. They live in Queensland.

Don't breathe a sigh of relief yet. A third of all divorces involve separation in the first five years of marriage, and 16 per cent of couples who divorce have been married 25 years or more. And although NSW has the lowest divorce rate of all the states (2.1 per 1,000 to Queensland's 3.0), this is the State with the shortest emotional attention span - median duration of marriage here is 11.2 years, while in South Australia, marriages last 13.8 years.

And when you consider the reason for the falling divorce rate, you can't necessarily conclude that Australian men and women are getting on better. It may simply be because the marriage rate has been falling over the past three decades, and if there are fewer marriages, there must, after a few years, be fewer divorces.

In 1970, there were 9 marriages per 1,000 population. Last year there were 5 marriages per 1,000 population. But Australians are still getting together. As the marriage rate has been dropping, the de facto rate has been rising. In the latest census 15 per cent of all couples who described themselves as permanently involved were in de facto relationships. That's up from 12 per cent in 2001 and 8 per cent in 1991.

They may be living in sin, but at least they're not living alone. Society has a future.

What do you think? Is marriage better than living together? And is a high divorce rate the sign of a more honest society?

SMH

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