Fathers4Equality Blog - Father Matters, child custody, fathers rights, shared parenting, divorce | Comments

Differing justice standards

Eddy Cernigoi — Tue, 9 Mar 2010 05:52:28 PM +1100

My wife suffers from mental illness.

My wife went to the police and accused me of assulting her on several occassions.

I was arrested and interviewed. I explained that absolutely nothing had happenned and said my wife had rung me earlier today about an accident she had had. I was charged shortly after the interview. Interestingly she tried to have the charges dropped next day but the police refused.

In court the judge prevented various aspects of the case from being explored including the nature of the injury and her mental health.

I was convicted of common assault.

I subsequently took it to a second lawyer for an opinion - their advice was the judge had ignored the evidence.

I took it to district court and the decision was overturned.

I complained to the police about their lack of investigation and the feeback I received is that they stood by their decision

I have recently gone back to the police pointing out the various inconsistencies betwwn what my wife said in her statement to police versus the version of events in court, pointing out she made a false statement to police and also lied in court. Police resonse is that she has no case to answer as I was able to have the conviction overturned.

She continues to harrass and threaten to go to the police. I have tried to take and AVO out against her but the magistrate who heard my court case has rejected it and sent it to mediation.

All I want is justice but I don't seem to be able to get that.

Barbara Biggs

Tori Singhurst — Mon, 8 Mar 2010 11:47:28 AM +1100

...I am a grandmother and got very scared when my son got separated recently...

So I went to see my local ALP member. What he told me was that almost everyone in the ALP is now satisfied that the shared care laws are working very well, especially after the AIFS report.

He said that although they are not perfect, they are far better than what we had before 2006.

He also said that this is why they (ie, the ALP) voted for the shared care laws unanimously in the first place.

I was told that the shared care laws are "here to stay", and that "no pressure group will have any chance of getting them repealed."

I am assuming he was referring to people like Barbara Biggs, who are using family law as part of their hate campaign against all fathers, even the good ones who are the majority, despite the impact their ongoing capaign of hate is having on families and children.

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Equality

Daveyone — Sat, 6 Mar 2010 06:15:05 AM +1100

One thing I have learned over the past few years is that woman are just as capapble of abuse!!

Disgrace

Shaw — Thu, 4 Mar 2010 12:51:50 PM +1100

The Judge is a disgrace and should be disbarred and the mother should be forced to spend all the time in jail. Plus loose the right to her children for good,she already showed that she cares more about drinking than about her kids. Shame on that sham of a judge and D.A. are they on the take?

shawnanthony11@yahoo.com

Disgrace

Shaw — Thu, 4 Mar 2010 12:50:59 PM +1100

Fantastic article

Joel — Tue, 2 Mar 2010 05:19:22 PM +1100

What an incredible article!

Someone at last who puts the facts straight, rather than the feminist hate speech we keep on reading every day.

Thank you Angela Shanahan.

Sad Story

Blending Family — Tue, 2 Mar 2010 01:06:36 PM +1100

This is indeed a sad story. I hope more fathers will be able to read this and realize that they have a responsibility and are equally liable for whatever happens to their kids.

Naming in court.

Dave Aldridge — Sat, 27 Feb 2010 04:38:07 PM +1100

Funny isn't it how this woman cannot be named, yet there is no compunction in allowing men like Mr Freeman,Mr Zilich, or even Mr Slater to be named.WHY?

Booked for DUI taking kids to school

goldengal — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 08:32:57 PM +1100

My sons ex partner was charged last week with DUI and driving on learners permit, (she is aged in her forties) while driving my grandchildren to school.My grandchildren were taken to school by the police, then the mother was taken to the police station and charged.

This woman still has the children in her care on a 50/50 arrangement. Who is looking after the children????

Hands on dads.

dave aldridge — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 12:51:35 PM +1100

Wow what a selection of replies. So many decent mothers out there. A pity some of these mothers arn't putting in their own submissions to the various reviews on the shared parenting laws. Instead of these decent women/mothers having their say to the various review committees, all that are currently being listened to are the embittered power hungry radical fems, who seem to think that fathers are only good for one thing, donating their sperm.

Responses

Ash Patil — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 01:33:41 AM +1100

I agree almost completely, although I don’t like “Daddy daycare” in the same way I hate it when people ask my husband if he’s “babysitting” no, he’s parenting.

Sarah (Reply)

Sun 14 Feb 10 (01:11pm)

My husband and I choose to both work part time when our eldest was born.

I have to agree that at first I found myself leaving lists and routines ... but that stopped fairly quickly. He loves her just as much as I do, and I trusted him with providing the DNA, so why not trust him with the care as well?

It has made our relationship stronger because he understood what I was dealing with (even though he only did it 1.5 days a week). He loves ‘daddy/daughter day’ just as much as she does!

I would trust him with my life, so why not hers as well?

cax (Reply)

Sun 14 Feb 10 (01:12pm)

I am a dad of two young boys, my wife works weekends and some nights and I work Mon to Fri days. I do dinner, bath time and put the kids to bed every night. If i spend a night away my wife has to ask me about routines and the kids likes. I have actually found a trend swinging away from the traditional mother role - while I know my wife loves out kids she does not spend as much time with them as I do - she has help throughout the day with an au pair we employ and rather than spending this time with the kids tends to do things for herself or the house in general. I have spoken to dad friends who have found similar experiences with modern day mums. Dads are getting better at bonding with their children. The only catch I find with this is that if I mention a mishap (such as a fall or a close shave) to my wife that has occured while I am looking after the kids I get accused of not paying enough attention just because I am a male and my wife kicks into the protective mother role. I find it hard to believe in this day and age that dads are unable to look after kids on their own - it is simply a wonderful experience. My boys come to me for comfort over their mum - I am a very proud dad and proud of the way I can look after two demanding little boys on my own. Get on board dads - if your not involved you should be!

Mr Mum of Cairns (Reply)

Sun 14 Feb 10 (01:14pm)

i don’t understand it either. i think they must be control freaks at heart. their self-worth must be entirely based on their perceived parenting skills. these will be the same women moaning about how hard their life is now. it doesn’t have to be that way. let loose the reins and see how your child and you can benefit.

rach37 of brisbane (Reply)

Sun 14 Feb 10 (01:22pm)

Why do many women think they are the better parent? My husband has been jointly responsible for our children from birth, in fact there is no way I would have been able to cope without his support. He is more rational in many ways and copes with stressful situations far better as I worry too much.

If you are the prime carer (sometimes the fathers are believe it or not!) then you need to cut the other parent some slack. Don’t expect it to be done your way, let them find their own way and make mistakes - we all make them.

No parents are perfect and they never have been but we (children) all still survived.

Clare of Adelaide (Reply)

Sun 14 Feb 10 (01:25pm)

Ok I once left my husband with my 12 month old and 3 year old and told him to feed them and play with them whilst I was gone for 2 hours. Got home and husband was watching cricket on tv whilst kids entertained themselves on the floor. I asked what did you feed the kids, thinking vegemite on toast or left overs from the roast the night before but no - he gave them a jar of peanut satay sauce and some rice in the fridge. He was very proud of himself. I couldnt believe it, everytime he bought something home from the shops I would make sure there was no peanut traces and we would argue each time and now he gave them satay sauce. I was mortified to say the least, not because they ate satay sauce (we didnt know if they had allergies or not and I always took the safe option of not taking a gamble on my childrens life to see if they are allergic) but the fact he was so proud that he did it, when what he did was take a 50/50 gamble that my kids wouldnt have anaphylatic shock by giving them satay sauce....So no offence to the other men out there but my husband is an idiot and will NEVER be left alone with my kids ever again, and the reason for this? I actually want to see my kids live and not die because their father is so ignorant to their needs.

serena west (Reply)

Sun 14 Feb 10 (01:45pm)

Jenno replied to serena west

Sun 14 Feb 10 (02:55pm)

Wow Serena- are you yourself allergic to Peanuts? of course you are not as you would not have it in the house otherwise… perhaps you should look into the downright ban on these foods in your childrens diets. Me thinks you are cotton wool parenting, give dad a break, peanuts provide healthy oils and are a great source of enery. Vegemite on the otherhand aint so great with its high salt content and artifical additives. Let dad make mistakes, unless hes sitting there with an exposed elctical cords and giving the kids scissors perhaps you need to chill?

justme replied to serena west

Sun 14 Feb 10 (03:18pm)

because he gave them peanuts? That is absurd. All kids have peanut butter at some point in their life. You need to chill out.

Lisa replied to serena west

Sun 14 Feb 10 (03:24pm)

Hear hear Jenno.

Serena, this is very bizarre. Unless your children are known peanut allergic, I dont see what the issue is. Yes, some children should avoid peanuts especially when small babies in case of allergy. But a 12 month old and 3 year old eating satay sauce and rice is not the dramatic health dilemma that you seem to believe (Im a health professional by the way). In fact, if he is not a really skilled cook, it sounds like a perfectly reasonable meal option to me. Hey, he didnt feed them vodka cruisers or dog food. In my opinion your husband is not the one with the problems.

Sandy replied to serena west

Sun 14 Feb 10 (03:52pm)

I have to agree with everyone else on this one. If you were truly worried about peanut allergies, as we were due to numerous allergies in our immediate family, you wouldn’t have peanut products in the house.

Claire replied to serena west

Sun 14 Feb 10 (04:23pm)

Wow, I bet your husband is grateful for the confidence boost he gets from you Serena!!

Not everyone is a natural parent, but they won’t learn by having someone call them an idiot or ignorant. You’re husband has as much right to time alone with the kids as you do, lighten up.

Luke replied to serena west

Sun 14 Feb 10 (04:26pm)

Actually its more 1 in 100 chance that they would have a reaction to peanuts.

this is so offensive i dont even know where to start.

rob of perth (Reply)

Sun 14 Feb 10 (02:14pm)

I can’t believe that this is even a subject for discussion. For any woman to think that they shouldn’t leave their children with their father is disgraceful! It’s downright harmful and sexist!

Honestly, it’s like saying women can’t work full-time! It’s sexist and ridiculous and we know they can.

At least Alison, you’re writing to say you’re surprised but to your other mums who won’t leave the kids alone with their dad - disgraceful.

Tony of Brisbane (Reply)

Sun 14 Feb 10 (02:23pm)

Male here. If my wife ever exerted any of this control over our child, we would most certainly would be having the “good long talk”.

The question I would be pose would be, is your behaviour due to your need to control or for the overall benefit of your child?

You may not have confidence in his ability to look after the child, but then, when have you relinquished the control to allow him to develop the skills?

furball (Reply)

Sun 14 Feb 10 (02:32pm)

My Kid gets left with Dad at any time he can have him, they have a wonderful relationship. At first it was a bit odd as the kid was attached to me for the first 6 months with breast feeding, but solids were a blessing, I figure as long as the kid has food and something to drink, what could be wrong? (sure at times I find out the kid has spent the whole day out without shoes or shirt, but no harm done)

But I must admit I do get taken aback when people do say ‘is dad babysitting?’ what makes it ‘not his job’ that he is doing me a favour?

Jenno of Perth (Reply)

Sun 14 Feb 10 (02:47pm)

From a fathers perspective I love having time alone with my 6 and 7 year old girls and have done so since they were babies to the point where my wife will happily go away on weekends or the odd week away with work and everything continues to function normally for our family albeit with us missing her.

Sure, at first looking after them alone when they were babies wasn’t easy especially as I have a full-on job as a senior manager for a multinational corporation but the bottom line is that for every minute I spend with them (alone) my girls and I are 100 times closer.

And although we have loads of good days (and tough/boring days) together as a family I’ve got so many special memories of days/weekends when it was just me and my girls and they gave me 100% percent of their attention and made me feel like I was the king of the world!!

And there is also the ego thing, for me as a mid-thirties guy there is nothing like knowing “I can do it” i.e. look after my kids morning, noon and night for days or weeks and it’s also great for my relationship with my wife as we have become more equal inside the home and outside it and therefore respect each other and work together more as a team. How much better could it be?

Jon of Carindale, Brisbane (Reply)

Sun 14 Feb 10 (02:56pm)

As I sit here cuddling my 7wk old boy whilst my 4yo daughter plays I am amused at the passion this subject evokes.

I don’t think it is necessarily a gender thing, parents need practise to develop competency; unless Dad gets time with the kids there is no chance of building skills & confidence & trust. I acknowledge that some guys don’t really value parenting so they don’t work at it but I also a few Mums in the same boat. I receive a lot more positive recognition from my professional work than my home life - I think that’s a factor for Dads. Anyhow, I know both Mums & Dads around Australia that I wouldn’t leave my kids with, you have to find the right ‘values’ match.

HappyDad of Perth (Reply)

Sun 14 Feb 10 (03:16pm)

Like some of the other women on here, I fail to understand people who cannot leave their children with their father. It begs the question, if you think he is that incapable of parenting, then why did you have children with him in the first place??

My husband is a wonderful man who has been my partner in every sense of the word in the upbringing of our son- and he is growing and developing into a lovely young man due to his influence. And yes, even learning good “boy humour”, toilet jokes and smelly fluffs. Boys need their fathers and need the opportunity to learn to be a man froma good role model.

We have progressed from my hubby looking after our baby for a few hours while I went back to work part time to now, 12 years later, they had a ball at home for 4 weeks while I went overseas for a business trip. We missed each other terribly, but I never doubted I would come home to a happy, healthy, well cared for child.

I agree with some of the men that have posted. The idea that men can’t care for children is insulting. Wake up to yourselves, girls.

Lisa of Wollongong (Reply)

Sun 14 Feb 10 (03:16pm)

Sandy replied to Lisa

Sun 14 Feb 10 (04:08pm)

I’m in total agreement with Lisa. My eldest son was 3 days old when I left him home with my very capable husband while I went to my craft class. I was just down the street so hubby phoned me when junior was ready for his breastfeed. I came home, fed him & went back. Daddy & junior had a wonderful bonding time,while I enjoyed my class. I would never have had children with my husband if I didn’t think he would make a good father. We have now been joint parenting for 11 years with great success.

well I think the first thing is if a mother cant leave a child with the father she needs to grow a brain,second thing I have had 4 children and looked after them by myself and why should I not Iam there father after all.And about feeding the children lets see when the child would come to my place after been with there mother they didnt want to eat anything,why beacause they ate take away everyday so get off your soap box men can do just as good a job.

its the year 2010 of tasmania (Reply)

Sun 14 Feb 10 (03:28pm)

Why wouldn’t you leave your kids with their Dad?

The vast majority of Dads are responsible adults who are more than capable of looking after their kids. So they might paddle in the sea in all their clothes or eat Jelly for breakfast, who cares, the kids will love them for it and I got over Daddy being the ‘fun one’ years ago. Just because a mum and dad might do things differently, it doesn’t make either incapable.

A friend was telling me of a night out she had and she referred to her husband as “baby sitting for her” You do no baby sit your own kids!

Claire of NSW (Reply)

Sun 14 Feb 10 (04:12pm)

I work part time in the evenings and on weekends while my husband looks after our kids. I find it AMAZING and very annoying the amount of kudos he gets for doing what I do every other day of the week ! Just because he has a penis doesn’t make him a moron - he is a great, hands on Dad and I have no qualms about leaving him to care for our children. They have a wonderful relationship with him..and him with them.

Serena, sorry but it sounds like you have some control issues here. The kids were fed, they were OK..to say he’ll never look after them again because he gave them something to eat YOU wouldn’t have necessarily chosen is unbelievable. You chose to have TWO children with a man you belittle and happily tell how inadequate he is. I think this is more about you than him.

Mum of 2 (Reply)

Sun 14 Feb 10 (05:24pm)

The best times of my childhood her were spent with my dad..watch the planes at pelican airport..learning to use the vending machine...having my nappy changed in the back of the ford station wagon...great times.

pegson of belmont (Reply)

Sun 14 Feb 10 (06:51pm)

It’s common sense and careful thinking that makes a good parent, not the contents of your underpants. I know several women who are such bad parents, that they should be locked out of the house whilst their kids are at home. I utterly despise women who proudly proclaim that they are “control freaks” - they are nothing more than desperate, needy people, with no real direction or purpose in life.

what drivel (Reply)

Sun 14 Feb 10 (07:15pm)

ex partners abusing father

jean-paul — Sun, 14 Feb 2010 05:54:31 AM +1100

It is a shame that in australia, when a divorce occur,that the womens are given the care of the kids.In my case one of my kid is born in france.i left her because she was manipulative and nasty. she make me come in australia under fakes promesses of job,helped by her parents.

They lied to the immigration departement,and had little interest for me if its just to attract me here to have a hand on the kids..my second kid is born here..She never wanted to meet my familly,was always critisising them without even having meet any of them..here,she let me deal with the nappies job,for 10 years,refusing to do it,vomiting just at the idea to do it..as a unique kid in her family,she was a brat..her great grand parent died months appart..money from the inheritance was hiden from my knowledge,it was the selling of a retirement unit($300000) and life savings..when we separated, she paid a layer $3000 to throw on my face a stupid law that say that if you are only australian resident and not maried with that partner,you are considered as a gay couple,mean that you go with what you have,the principle of %50/%50 doesnt apply..note that the parents took the money in a trust account to avoid the justice to give me any money..i find myself outside,sleeping in my car,caravans parks..she wanted me to pay child support,i refused to pay anything,because i believe that the way i have being treated is totaly unfair.since two years,i take my kids every forthnights,for 2 and a half days..and comply with other requests she make to take the kids a bit longeur..her,on her side,she doesnt provide them with adequate dental care,the home have a 40 yo carpet,with two dogs and a cat she doesnt treat for flies..my daughter come home with nits every times..she said things on my back to her,so now my daughter is lacking respect to me..i want to go back in france and pay a lawer to attack australia on the basic of trust.i consider that the immigration departement didnt do his job and accepted to take my kids and me without taking care of my security here..now i am stuck here,crying everyday and battling with my own family in france because they want me and my son back in france.

I hate the laws of this country,especialy because womens get it all on their side,that they wrong or right. I might kill myself one day,because i am tired,home sick,you stole my life and my kids australia,i hate you all for it.

show me the money

Peter O’Shea — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 07:25:12 PM +1100

This feminist attitude of not wanting shared care is all about one thing... money!! Shared care means less child support and less government benefits (eg FTB A +B). less Child support and less benefits means mothers may have to work for a living like everybody else! Somehow they find this unfair?

Also, what about the rights of the children and their siblings from new/future relationships? Don't children deserve the right to grow up with their half brothers and sisters?

I have had 50% care (week on/week off) of my 2 eldest children for 4 years. They also have other siblings from both myself and the mother.

I am a better parent than the mother will ever be. It is a sexist and uneducated assumption that mothers should have more care than fathers.

Peter O'Shea

Violent Women

Norman G — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 02:08:30 PM +1100

Its about time the politicians realised what everyone else knows.

Women are just as violent as men in the same situation. No difefrence.

When will our domestic violence laws reflect this truth.

Overington’s Remarks in the Australian

Mike Murphy — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 05:50:26 AM +1100

I made these remarks in my own blog with respect to Overington and sent a letter to the editor at "The Australian which, as usual they didn't print.

Overington is a pro-maternalist, pro-feminist journalist, whose knowledge of Canada is best summed up as illiterate.

This death is a tragedy but its another case of a biological Father ordered out of his home and required to pay all its expenses and child support even though they had been performing equal care of the children.

Its another case of a misandrist, chivalrous, eunuch judge targeting a man and ending up being a party to the death of two innocents. They don't get it!

Dear Editor:

Ms. Overington's biases are being worn on her sleeve again. She proffers "HIS greatest fear was that his estranged wife would take his children from their home in a tiny, snowy town in Canada, and run away to Australia." She is deriding small towns, snow and Canada all in one short sentence and implying some sympathy for the mom. Her maternal sympathies are not new.

She doesn't really know much about Canada as she indicates "Canada has a shared parenting law similar to Australia's, although the role played by parents before separation carries greater weight." In a previous column she described our geographical/political makeup as States rather than Provinces. Canada has no such shared parenting law but we are hopeful Bill C-422 will become so. Compared to Australia Canada is in the dark ages of family law reform. Ninety percent of physical custody is granted to moms and about 8% to dads.

I note she has not given credit for much of the column but it is almost verbatim in spots from Canadian press reports of the tragedy. Is plagiarism normally overlooked at the Australian. I direct you to { Link } { Link }

Australia is very advanced in coming to terms with the Family as the bed rock of a civilized society and should be proud of its achievements. We have much to learn from your 2006 initiatives and are watching the reaction to the recent reports on the Family Law reviews carefully.

Children deserve both fit parents in their lives after divorce just as they had them while married.

Mike Murphy

men are guilty before being innocent

Joe — Tue, 9 Feb 2010 07:35:11 AM +1100

This man deserves compensation not just for the unjust treatment handed out buy the law and it,s servants but the Accused should pay for destroying his good name in the community he lives .I have read punishment for false accusations is 10 months suspended sentence that's not punishment for that crime and its affects on that mans life. This country has become a women dominant society law amendments rape in marriage has changed everything .Married men make [love] to their wives goes to work after he has gone she gives herself a black eye goes to her doctor he see it and asks what happen to you? guest what rape in marriage .Men are guilty before being innocent.Only solution punishment for false accusations should be server to stop the female criminals. I urge men to speak up we must protect ourselves have your say please.

Child Support

Ash Patil — Fri, 5 Feb 2010 11:02:30 AM +1100

Dave,

I concur with your comments on child support entirely.

Not only does shared care cost the otherwise non-custodial parent significantly more in day to day expenses, but there are huge capital expenses that must be accomodated, including the costs of a separate bedroom, separate set of clothes, child's toys & games, computer, so and and so forth.

If this issue was about child support, then shared care is the worst option for a father because it significantly increases his financial committments.

Clearly its not, but even if it was, and as Dave states, the reciprocal argument that mother's deny contact to increase child support payments must be made in the same breath, otherwise the comments are disingenuous, and nothing but political advocacy that is devoid of truth, as is the case with this woman's comments.